Because nothing is happening, let’s get weird! I decided to draw comparisons between NBA players and the characters on Stranger Things which if you haven’t watched you should STOP READING THIS AND GO WATCH IT!
Eleven – LeBron
Eleven has magical powers. She can move things with her mind, she can go back and forth between our world and the upside down. She is the key to everything. That’s LeBron. If you disagree, go back and watch that block at the end of game 7. I rest my case.
Dustin – KD
Durant is everybody’s friend. He gets along, he keeps the peace, he is the person you most want to hang out with. At the end of the series you sit back and think “You know who’s awesome? Dustin.” Same with KD. He’s everyone’s buddy and we love him. Except for…
Lucas – Russell Westbrook
Lucas spends most of the series pissed off at his friends. He doesn’t like what they’re doing, he isn’t on board with having Eleven around, he thinks their plan is stupid, but at the end of the day he still cares about his friends. This is sort of how I think Russ feels about KD and the Warriors. Sure he’s pissed and yes their plan is stupid. Does he have a better plan? You bet your ass he does. But in the end he still loves his friends and would come to their aid if needed. They’re still idiots though.
Barb – Steph
America’s love affair with Barb transcends reason. Yes, she only has 5 scenes in the entire show. Yes, she cannot shotgun a beer for shit. But you know what? Some things don’t matter. Some people are beloved just for existing. This is how the world feels about Steph. Everyone loves Steph, and those who don’t are just haters and you shouldn’t listen to them anyway. We don’t question our love for these two, it just happened. When Barb lies for Nancy even though Nancy is being a jerk – that’s how we feel when Steph pulls up for a 3 from 35 feet.
Joyce Byers – Draymond
From the moment Winona Ryder graces the screen, she is on 100. Everyone else is all “Oh don’t worry Joyce. I’m sure Will’s okay.” and Joyce just chain smokes and screams at them because she knows it’s not okay! That’s Draymond. Always on 100, always screaming, always crying into his Christmas lights. When everyone else is telling him to relax, he is kicking people in the nuts. DON’T TELL HIM TO CALM DOWN!!
Steve Harrington – Boogie
I know you want to hate Steve. I did too. The moment he shows up, the moment he opens his mouth you’re like “this guy is an asshole”. But once you spend time with Steve, you start to like him. He’s not a bad guy. He didn’t ask to be rich and popular (just like how Boogie didn’t ask to be drafted by Sacramento). He’s misunderstood. Somewhere in Sacramento, Boogie nods in agreement. His “friends” are a bunch of jerks who don’t believe that anything matters (which is sort of what I think the Sacramento front office is like).
Nancy – D’Angelo Russell
DLoading did something bad, sort of like how Nancy left Barb to bleed into a pool while she hooked up with Steve. Then she spent the rest of the series trying to make up for it. D’Angelo feels for ya Nancy. Deep down, they’re both good people, they just got caught up in the fame and popularity. Sure they both sold out their friends, but give them another chance. Please?
Chief Hopper – Chris Paul
Hopper is grizzled, cynical, haunted, drunk, and doesn’t want to deal with this. As he looks back at his career and all the missed opportunities, that’s how Chris Paul feels. He wakes up, smokes a cigarette, finishes last night’s beer and heads in to the office. His two dumb deputies (the DeAndre and Blake of the series) are of no help to him. Life didn’t turn out the way he planned, but he is still capable of great things. Also, it’s fitting that Hop’s plan for breaking back into the secret headquarters in episode 7 is the same as his plan the first time around (episode 4 I think). That’s the most Clippers’ plan ever.
The Monster – Boban
An unstoppable destructive force. Unkillable. Capable moving between our world (San Antonio) and the Upside Down (Detroit). He is mysterious and terrifying. Wait, did I put a picture of Boban or the Monster in here? I can’t tell the difference between the two anymore.